The Real “Getting Over Your Ex” Advice

Hello, everybody.

I was pretty lost on what to write about for my first post so I asked a few people on social media what sort of problems they have been struggling with lately and the most common… *drum roll*

BREAK-UP BLUES

Ugh, isn’t it always… Yep. Always. Because break-ups suck.

First things first, to establish a few things before reading…

• If your ex love made you feel like you were any less than royalty, it was not your loss.  You are going to find better.  Never settle.
• If you were mistreated and you feel guilty about leaving, you are deserving of happiness and entitled to get yourself out of a bad situation – you are not selfish.
• If you ended it with someone who you naturally lost feelings for and now you feel bad about it, you are not a bad person.  You realize that if the feelings are not there, ten you should not be either.
• Whatever the situation may be, you deserve the love that you give and the flowery vibes that you emit.  If you made a mistake or feel as though you did something terrible, your mistakes do not define you.  Ask forgiveness.  Forgive yourself in order to heal.

Okay, so onto the advice…

Advice #1:  DO NOT “KEEP YOURSELF BUSY” in the early stages of the break-up.  You shouldn’t try to distract yourself by taking on 5 new “hobbies” or activities that you don’t even really like.

What I’ve found is that you should go about living exactly how you did before the person, if that’s a life you were content with.

If not, sure, knock yourself out with a new sport, a dance class, whatever, only if that’s  where your heart is.  It does not matter how busy you are, you’ll never be too busy to think about the person and relationship you’re recovering from.  Don’t exert yourself.  Instead, think about that person as much as you want.  You are not weak for thinking about them.  At first, even if it’s all day everyday for two weeks, you think the hell out of the details of their face and you cry.  You are entitled to dealing with your feelings and taking as long as you want to.  And if after 2, 4, 5, even 8 weeks, you just think about them whenever you see someone who resembles them or you see a coffee mug that reminds you of them, that’s okay.  Know why? Because eventually, maybe a year or two later, that person will just be a stranger in passing who has nice hair and that coffee mug will just be one to replace a broken one with.

As cliche as it sounds, time heals.

Advice #2: NEVER GO BACK TO YOUR EX and never try to get your ex back, especially when they already have someone else.

Oh my, did I learn this the hardest way – on and off relationship with the same guy for 5 years.  It never works out, not for me and not for anyone I know.  It ended for a reason, I know that’s not what you want to hear but it’s the hurtful truth.

Especially if it has ended more than once before, they are not the love of your life.  This is not a movie.  That has got to be one of the hardest lessons I have ever learned, because I am a relentless romantic.

Let me paint you guys a picture.  This guy and I had made up and broken up about 7-10 times (Yes, really!) and every single time, he had done something that made me feel like I was 2 feet tall which says a lot because I’m not short by any means.  But what allowed to continue to go back to the person who was hurting me was my ability to justify everything, to conjure up a ‘sweet’ explanation for his actions every single time, not missing a beat.  There are many examples but here’s one…

At the time, he was not single. I knew this. I allowed him back into my life on the basis that we were to going to be friends even though I knew well feelings were bound to happen. We would hang out together and we would laugh the entire time, no matter what we were doing, it would feel like the lightest, most natural time of my day. We confided in each other and shared secrets. He told me he wanted to be with me and that I was beautiful and that he wasn’t into his girlfriend anymore (they are also an on/off couple). I told him to stay because what he and I had was an illusion. That was the last time we made contact.  When we stopped talking, it felt like a break-up.

I know what all of you are thinking and I agree. That was trifling, messy, and sloppy. I should have shut that down from the get-go but as I said, our mistakes do not define us. Needless to say, they are still together and their relationship went unharmed by what had taken place. The illusion of love will make you do some of the most embarrassing and low things.  That was a low point for me.

So, to reiterate, please do not go down that road, it is bound to backfire.  Realize your worth, like I had to do.  There are better days coming and trust me… You will look back on the ex you think is your true love, as nothing but a reason for why you should not settle.

These are the two main things that I do at this point in my life, I just do nothing.  I wait it out, avoid contact/getting back together and just do the things that I’ve always loved to do.  I just live my life the way I always have in terms of studies, hobbies, family bonding, etc.

Sade, peace and love, always